Kid Tees With Jokes
One night a boy wakes up and goes into his parents room and they’re having sex. He asks what they’re doing and the father says “we’re playing poker” and the mother says “& I’m his partner”.
He then goes into his grandparents room and asks what they’re doing. The grandfather says “We’re playing poker” and the grandmother says “& I’m his partner”.
He then goes into his brothers room and he’s wanking. He asks what he’s doing. The brother says “I’m playing poker”.
The other brother asks why he doesn’t have a partner and the brother replies, “You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand !”
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1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow…just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, “just do it”)
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave’m in the middle)
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The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad
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Babar Meets the Taxidermist
Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear
Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables
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The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy
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The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead
How to Insert Sharp Objects into Your Ear
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Why Mommy and Daddy Are Bouncing on the Bed
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The Boy Who Cried “Fire!”
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Two Fingers in the Dike
Back To School! A Munitions Primer
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Things That Are Really Sharp
How Dopey Got His Name
Spinach or Steroids - A Guide to Scholarships
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One day at school, the teacher sees cuts and bruises all over little johnny’s body. Worried, she asks him what happened.
He replies:” Well, my parents are doing renovations in my room and I sleep with them. Last night, I woke and heard my father asking OK? and mom said OK so I asked OK what? So they got real angry and beat me up.”
The next day, the teacher sees new cuts and bruises on little johnny’s body so she asks him what happened and tells her the same thing. So she tells him not to say anything should the same thing occur tonight.
Next day at school, little johnny comes to class with a head band on his head and crutches with his face all blue and swollen.
When the teacher asks what happened, he says:
” Like you said, last night, when my dad asked OK? and mom said OK, I didn’t say anything. After a while, they started moaning and groaning but still, I didn’t say a thing until dad asked:
“did you come?” and mom answered
“Yeah, I came” and I said
“where were you?”
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A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception. She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, “Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these.”
The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped.
“I’ll give you a hint,” said the teacher. “It’s something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time.”
Instantly, one of the kids coughed his onto the floor and shouted,
“Spit ‘em out, they’re assholes!”
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